The Broom Closet

I am not a religious person. I was baptized when I was 5 to get into Catholic school which only lasted 2 years. Organized religion and I don’t get along. Good for you, not for me.  I am overly logical and fully skeptical leading me to have a very hard time with blind faith.  Every time I have to be in a church or synagogue for varying reasons, I keep wondering "will this be the day that something finally clicks?"  Instead, I leave more jaded than ever.  

There were many people in my life since my college years that practiced Wicca and/or witchcraft. The crystals people gave me sat in a jewelry box, and I unpacked mystical stuff at the store without flipping out like my coworkers. Most incense gave me a headache and I had a hard time staying in magic shops for more than a few minutes.  I did meditation/light hypnosis and rubenfeld synergy with my therapist. I politely sat through psychics and medium stage shows.  I was freaked out while watching Willow go dark magick after Tara's death and smiled at the patronuses conjured in Hogwarts. 

[Fifteen years later...]

Sometimes callings come around when you least expect it. My dear friend liked to do spells with intention under strong moons. The notion of this fascinates me and I enjoyed doing those spells with her. You don’t just wave a wand and *boom* magic. You set your intention and direct the energy. She taught me how to do sage cleansing throughout my home when the negative energies were manifesting at night. She also showed me the most simple and intuitive way for a novice like me to do a tarot reading. The deck I have was gifted to me by her after a very successful seance. (That's a story for another day.)

I realized I’m particularly intuitive and more of an empath than I expected. I also read that empaths can have a strong psychic ability and often need to be emotionally grounded. I take on everyone’s issues and then need to be recharged like a battery.  I have a book arriving about this soon.  I just can't stop reading and researching now

I found beautiful art comparing breastfeeding to tree of life magic since the body just knows what to do for producing antibodies, composition, etc. There is some gorgeous art by a kitchen witch I follow that shows a witch just calmly breastfeeding her baby. It made me think of my last baby and just how empowering it finally felt. How I actually felt like I was producing for her with no supplements and didn’t want to give up. That may have truly been the first time I felt really magical on my own.  

Witchcraft really has a liberal feminist fuck-you quality within its spiritualism.  It can be so badass and yet so gentle. I didn’t realize witchcraft popularity ebbed and flowed depending on the periods of “upheaval” in the US. Great article about that here.  It makes sense that there was a resurgence in the craft a few years ago. The point-of-view among established witches seems to be that as long as you’re willing to do research, find what you love, and not just treat it as a trend (b*by w*tch t*k tok, ahem), then it’s all good. 

I haven’t enjoyed learning about something so much since I discovered Broadway. It’s really becoming a part of me. I’m slowly building an altar on one of my favorite chests and have filled the case with books and supplies (candles, sage, lighters, jewelry, light sandalwood incense, etc.) 

My husband carved a box with the moon cycle and my favorite goddess statue symbol. I support sellers on Etsy as much as possible but also find little jars and spices and whatnot for cheap prices. 

I just did a tarot reading that was amplified by crystals for the first time and scarily accurate. The cards really do find you. One of my questions was “how do I overcome these struggles” and the answer was the Hierophant card. That is eerie since it’s the card telling you to find your spirituality and community. I’ve been using witchcraft as a way to meditate and drive my intention for this particular struggle, so I was pretty blown away. I would have died laughing if I got that card any other time in my life. But this time I had chills down my arms. 

It really is the right time. 

I’m not ready to stick more than my foot out of the “broom closet” as it's termed.  Little hints are in the living room.But I feel comfortable sharing that I’ve been finding comfort and purpose through witchcraft and paganism. I am still finding my way and enjoy the idea of circles, but I’m just moving very slowly. I want to make sure I am not going into anything blind.

I am very science-based. I am overly logical and like to see things with my own eyes. But I’ve come to a point where I fully admit there are unexplainable things in this world.  I want this to be part of my holistic healing process with trauma. This may be the first time I can have spirituality work in conjunction with science.